|
|
 |
|
Sep 5, 2004
Pick me up now, I need you so bad...
Hey... I didn't mean to get on here... I meant to get on my new blog... oh well. As long as I'm here.
Keith told me, right after we broke up, that this song reminded him of me. It's Blink-182, "Dammit". Since I don't listen to Blink-182, I didn't know anything about it. Today, I got curious and looked up the lyrics. Here they are, and I was like... wow...
~~~~~
It's alright to tell me what you think about me
I won't try to argue or hold it against you
I know that you're leaving, you must have your reasons
The season is calling your pictures are falling down
The steps that I retraced the sad look on your face
The timing and structure, did you hear, he fucked her
A day late a buck short I'm writing the report
On losing and failing when I move I'm flailing now
And it's happened once again, I'll turn to a friend
Someone that understands, sees through the master plan
But everybody's gone and I've been here for too long
To face this on my own, well I guess this is growing up
And maybe I'll see you at a movie, sneak preview
You show up and walk by on the arm of that guy
And I'll smile and you'll wave
We'll pretend it's okay
The charade, it won't last
When he's gone, I won't come back
And it'll happen once again, you'll turn to a friend
Someone that understands, sees through the master plan
But everybody's gone, and you've been there for too long,
To face this on your own, well I guess this is growing up
Well, I guess this is growing up
Posted at 10:04 am by Ashley
Mar 29, 2004
"It's another lacking day/ and you're my Wonder woman/ It really does comfort me/ When I'm loving you all I can..."
Pulled something from days that seem so long ago out there...
I want... need... yes, need to talk to him. I need to know he's still there. His trust <what little there was> certainly seems broken in me, but I desperately need to feel him with me.
I will put an entry that takes longer than 5.7 seconds to read soon. I promise.
-<3~ ash
Posted at 07:58 pm by Ashley
Mar 14, 2004
Change is so sudden and amazing.
Not much time to explain, but I am a changed individual. I am so happy it's amazing. I can't keep this darn smile off my face... and I swear I won't sleep tonight!!! I'm so pumped...
I'll love you all forever.
Posted at 09:51 pm by Ashley
Mar 5, 2004
"Don't waste your time on me..."
Don't. Oh, Blink-182
~~~~~
Let's see if I can sum this entry up in as few words as possible. I really don't feel like an explanation.
~~~~~
School~ social, lovely. Grades, suck.
Kelly and Rachel~ friends again.
Dave~ Thought I knew. I know what I want there to be, but I've a feeling it's no longer/never was there on his end. So, yea.
Depression~ There.
~~~~~
And here we are. Later. Posted at 08:03 pm by Ashley
Jan 29, 2004
The old came back because the old's new had to throw the old up into the air again...
I'm not going to explain that, for the sole reason that I find it amusing to watch people try and figure just what the hell it is I'm talking about.
I'm at home sick today. I hate being at home sick. Everyone else is at school or work, and here I am at home blogging because I have nothing better to do. And the worst thing is I feel better now, still just a slight tinge of a headache, and I can't go anywhere because it's too late. How lovely is that? -sarcasm- I need my license so very badly.
-sighs sadly- I think it incredibly distasteful that sometimes, we wait so long for something to get better, then eventually, our waiting pays off and everything's lovely. But then one person comes along and ruins it all, bringing things back to the low, dark places they were before. And you want to like this person because someone you love happens to love this person. But then this person happens to hurt someone else you love <very much>, and you can't help but hate them. Because there's not a damn thing you can do to fix the damage, all you can do is sit and feel helpless and try not let hopelessness and depression fade into your own being.
And it doesn't work. -sighs again- Confused yet? Most of you will be, but some may not...
Keith is taking some other chick to the prom. Should I be jealous? Maybe, but I'm not. I'm perfectly happy for him.
And how sad is this... I have nothing more to say. I remember when my entries used to be so long... but it was mostly rambling and I no longer have the energy to ramble, especially today. Damned if I failed again, hm? And even though I'm quite used to failure, it makes it no less bitter than before. Oh well. I'm off. Have a day. Whichever kind of day you'd like to have.
-<3~ ash
mental music~ Nirvana, Jesus Doesn't Want Me For a Sunbeam
thought~ And it all was good. And then we all fall down.
Posted at 02:09 pm by Ashley
Jan 26, 2004
New poem. I posted in on Poets and Poetry, too. http://poetsandpoetry.blogdrive.com
-----
Her heart skipped a beat as she realized that she truly was his...
~~~~~
Thus.
And so it was just like you said
it would be.
Starlight dancing tantalizingly
upon the delicate curves
of two bodies entwined
into their divine appointment
ecstasy flowing like white wine
showing itself in alabaster waves
cascading over the warmth
between the two lost souls
who've somehow found eachother
And she admired it all
the static beauty nearly visible
by her, so constantly searching
and the lovely heat rose above
in a shuddering fog about them
enveloping their spirits in a perfumed
sense of security and contentment
In two lives laced with anguish
bitterness, anger, deceit
they marvel at the taste filling their existences
run over with a contentment
she'll never fully understand
She'll always know
She'd never change a thing.
She hoped he'd never change a thing...
Posted at 10:32 pm by Ashley
Jan 24, 2004
I laughed and shook his hand...
It's Dave... Ash, guess the song to those lyrics, hmm? I'm sure you know it.
I've got nothing to say, but I thought I'd blog, and didn't want to use my blog tonight. Ash is with her friend April and ignoring me, so bleh to her...
...made my way back home... Posted at 11:23 pm by Dave
Eternal question: Dumb or just happy?
Title says it all.
I've been writing again. Scarily enough. This is what I do when I should be doing my classwork. My teacher distracts me. Yeah. These are bad. All of my "poetry" has been bad lately. Sunk to a new low.
~~~~~
Violet
Choking degradingly on concrete violets
Shuddering out of cushioned falls
Parted lips breathing soft seduction
Still never matter much to me.
Silence feeling depressingly loud
Stifling my plush salvation
Dreaming of my platinum, sparkling sanity
Wondering what I mean[t] to you.
Brightened lives plaguing dim existences
Miserably dying days of "love"
Impossibly defying the calls of disease
Desisting from breaking your skin.
Realization descending upon sore shoulders
Bitter reality waking
Saying the things you've known
We never had love.
We had g l o r i f i e d apathy.
~~~~~
Undone Hometown
So the city lights weren't as bright
as they looked on Momma's TV?
That's okay, darlin'.
In this world of lamé heels
and plastic whores
It never matters anyway.
Your tears making your mascara bleed
Sure make you look barred in.
Metaphor, my dear?
Are you trapped?
Not that I care; I'm as gone as you.
Your reality's been shot with their heroin
stuffed with some pure white powder
But that's the way we like it here
And that's the way it stays.
You're botoxed into thinking you matter
Sillicon admirers saying they care
but you'll wash up on the shore of life
one day, my dear, and they'll be gone.
For that's the way it works 'round here.
Yes, that's the way it stays.
~~~~~
Lovely
Cherry cocoa drips off her wrists
Not a cheery red, but a dimming ruby
Rich; a forbidden elegance in itself.
And she feels so tragically beautiful
Candy cane stripes barring her powdery skin
as she blushes to the indelicate linoleum,
whispering prayers to an apathetic deity,
convinced in her biased heart He cares.
She feels loveliest when she's like this;
in her element, she is here.
Bruised limbs stretching lazily
above her numbly tumultuous head.
Her mother's words echoing through her
"Purple is simply gorgeous on you."
"Of course Momma..." she whispers,
smiling at this ironical place
she's found herself in.
You may call her impractical
You may tell her she's not there
I simply say she knows what she wants
And she doesn't want to be here.
Posted at 12:20 am by Ashley
Jan 21, 2004
Highschool drama sucks. Won't say a word more.
Spent my weekend in the hospital. I'm fine now, though. Had some weird type of the mumps, and my throat closed up and I couldn't breathe. Lovely, hm?
Recent lyrics I've looked up.
-----
Layla ~ Eric Clapton
What'll you do when you get lonely
And nobody's waiting by your side?
You've been running and hiding much too long.
You know it's just your foolish pride.
Layla, you've got me on my knees.
Layla, I'm begging, darling please.
Layla, darling won't you ease my worried mind.
I tried to give you consolation
When your old man had let you down.
Like a fool, I fell in love with you,
Turned my whole world upside down.
Chorus
Let's make the best of the situation
Before I finally go insane.
Please don't say we'll never find a way
And tell me all my love's in vain.
Chorus
Chorus
-----
Love On the Rocks ~ Poison
She goes down slow like a shot of gin
She's got an angel's face and a devil's grin
She kinda stared me down as I looked her up
She said "I'm your poison, now you drink a cup."
In the heat of the night is when she comes alive
She's gonna push you push you til she's satisfied
I watch the ice melt fast on her red hot lips
She whispers "If you wanna taste my love
why don't you swallow this."
Chorus:
Love on the rocks
Love on the rocks
She's my shot
Love on the rocks
Ooooh lick it up
She gets so close you can feel her breathe
Just the way she moves, so soft and slippery
She lives just around the corner, right down the street
All night we play the horizontal bop right between her sheets
Chorus out
-----
Every Rose Has Its Thorn ~ Poison
We both lie silently still
in the dead of the night
Although we both lie close together
We feel miles apart inside
Was it something I said or something I did
Did the words not come out right
Though I tried not to hurt you
Though I tried
But I guess that's why they say
Chorus:
Every rose has its thorn
Just like every night has its dawn
Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song
Every rose has its thorn
Yeah it does
I listen to our favorite song
playing on the radio
Hear the DJ say loves a game of easy come and
easy go
But I wonder does he know
Has he ever felt like this
And I know that you'd be here somehow
If I could have let you know somehow
I guess
Chorus
Though it's been a while now
I can still feel so much pain
Like a knife that cuts you the wound heals
but the scar, that scar remains
Solo
I know I could have saved a love that night
If I'd known what to say
Instead of makin' love
We both made our separate ways
But now I hear you found somebody new
and that I never meant that much to you
To hear that tears me up inside
And to see you cuts me like a knife
I guess
Chorus
<I love ^this song. Power ballad, I believe it would be called?>
So, there. Yes, I stumbled upon my mother's Poison CD. Greatest Hits, I think. But that's why I thought to look up the lyrics to "Every Rose" and I found "Love on the Rocks" and thought it was mildly amusing. So, yes.
My day was crap. Yes, yes it was. I was crying outside for about 5 minutes outside of school, but then Leah, Ana, and Angela came out, hugged me, and made me feel better. You can't trust anyone, people suck, this day sucked, and I'm fine. -smiles- Much love.
Posted at 06:51 pm by Ashley
Jan 15, 2004
Do you think we'll make it...
I'm running away soon. Either this spring or next. I can't stay here much longer. Cheesie Poof, whilst I've grown fond of the name, is slowly killing me. Not physically yet, though I believe it could eventually, but certainly mentally. I can feel my creativity slowly draining out of me every
moment I spend in that God-forsaken block I so laughingly call my "school". I hate it. It's full of hicks, and I'm afraid their disease is contagious. I know for a fact that I haven't caught it, but I find myself being less and less surprised at it. That scares the hell out of me. I want out of here. Someone save me. I can't wait until I'm 16 and get my license. Well, I can, because I probably will have to, but if there's any way to get me out of here say, tomorrow, I'd appreciate it.
Posted at 11:03 pm by Ashley
|
|
I would certainly hope you knew this, but in case you didn't, the picture is of Kurt Cobain. Loves~ My guitar, Dave, Nirvana, Rush, Damien Rice, music in general, rainy summer evenings, bright autumn mornings, evenings in front of a fire in the arms of your lover, cranberry sauce, wet roses, being loved, being in love, life, best friends that you can't get rid of, time alone, time with others, reassurances I can actually believe, writing [the rare] decent poem, listening to Dave play, seeing others happy, being happy. Hates~ Close minded people, people who say things they don't mean, cloudy/cold/dry days, techno music, country music, most rap music, my school, pollution, environmentally unaware people, people who jump down my throat for no reason other than I can take it , John Mayer, Train (sorry, Cate... the guy's voice just grates on my last nerve), oh, and did I mention close minded people?
Poor, old God, are you weary now?
A million sons, and one too proud
In turn I'll see how you lost sons like me
When I find my life and the joys are stripped from me
~Dave
----------
Who do you want to be?
girl next door or woman in red
queen of mystery or ad girl for Bubblicious
~Bailey
----------
You'll find arms that hold you
eyes that see you
and a soul that knows who you are.
And you'll finally be
safe
~Bailey [again, and from the same poem, too!]
----------
she sunk deeper into the stained sheets,
willing herself to stop breathing.
her heart still beat rhythmically,
surprising as it was cracked in half
and slowly shattering...
~Krys [still my silly mongoose.]
----------
Guys are your heroin
an addiction that can take you up,
bring you down,
break you,
kill you,
and eventually take you through hell.
And there is no rehab.
Choose wisely young ladies.
~Dave [again. I had to.]
----------
Opening her palm, she stares at
the pendant and smiles to think that
a few weeks ago,
she would have been trying to cut
herself with it.
~Cate
----------
If you take your heart out of your
body and crack it,
it will most likely shatter
into several million pieces.
She's already done this.
The pieces are hanging
in a collage above her bed.
For every man that lays in her bed
there's another piece off her collage.
~Jade
----------
She didn't fly as high as she used to,
preferring walking on the ground to
slamming into it.
But even when she was forced to crawl
she carried her wings high,
for those were her proof that angels feel pain,
and she wanted the world to know
heaven didn't always lead to bliss.
~Cyara
----------
Did you ever catch yourself looking in the mirror
to see behind yourself? Did you look in that mirror at all?
I'm sure if you'd had, you'd seen just how washed up you (we all) are.
~Kay
----------
they'll think they sound
amazing, but I know they're just
dying,
on the inside, rotting away in scrapes.
~Jocelyn
----------
They say I've gone off the deep end,
but it looks like I can swim all right.
(I've got legs of putty you know,
and they glow in the dark too)
~Becca
----------
And one day I'll be fine again,
More fine than I've been thus far.
I'll be that butterfly they all want to touch,
But know that touching scrapes its life away,
So they watch and let it pass,
Let it continue on its quest.
~Cat [not Cate, but Cat]
----------
You're looking around
striving to view a horizon
but all you see is another wall
blackwashed white with the
greyness of your (supposedly) rising sun
you're trying to rise above this "real" world
(the one that doesn't exist)
it's the facade they've set up for you
~Ash
----------
For the first time in her small life,
she found her self finally realizing that maybe
being imperfect was overrated, and that maybe her so called life
could have a tinge of heartache in it.
~Ben and Lu
Contact Me
|
|
